I want to talk to you about how I dealt with all the problems my own sexual frustration was causing me. There was a time in many of my relationships where intimacy was non existent.
I let my own internal issues effect how I interacted with my partner, and instead of opening up, I closed up completely and this cost me more than one relationship.
What I never understood was what the cause was, I would always fixate on the problem, never talk about it or do anything to improve, and everything is downhill from there.
I will always consider myself a work in progress, but I started implementing self improvement in every aspect of my life and this made a difference.
If I had feelings of not bein attractive I pushed harder in the gym. If I felt like I needed to understand things from a woman’s perspective, difficult as it was, I would approach women I knew and asked.
To be able to have conversations with people no matter what the subject, I read more, listened to podcasts, picked up new hobbies. Once you improve yourself in as many areas of your life as you can, sexual frustration is no longer a problem.
Once you realize you can change the rest of your life with a little discipline, you apply the same methods to your love life, and a well put together man will have a lot more access to potential partners.
Unraveling Male Sexual Frustration
So what is sexual frustration? In a nutshell, is it the frustration felt by someone who has unmet sexual desires or needs.
Sexual frustration can effect both men and women, but as I am A man, and only really understand it from the male perspective, I will be talking about when a guy says he is sexually frustrated.
I want to let you know about some of the impact on Men’s wellbeing sexual frustration can have if not properly controlled:
Emotional Distress: Sexual frustration in a man can lead to feelings of sadness, irritability and anxiety. The inability to fulfil sexual desires can make you feel like you are failing at something, and give you a sense of disappointment.
Low Self-Esteem: If you are not able to fulfil your sexual desires, or just meet your needs, you can start to question desirability to the opposite sex. This has a negative impact on confidence and your self-image.
Stress and Tension: Unmet sexual desires make you sad, feel less desirable, and you don’t know where you are going wrong. This adds to tension and stress build up. Then you just amplify the problems in your mind and end up in a negative feedback loop.
Relationship Strain: Sexual frustration may affect intimate relationships, leading to conflicts or misunderstandings between partners. Lack of sexual satisfaction can cause overall dissatisfaction in the relationship.
Performance Anxiety: To add to it, if you are already frustrated becuase you are not sexually satisfied, when the chance does come around you can be so nervous that you fail to rise to the occasion.
Disconnection from Intimacy: If you feel like you are not getting to be intimate with anyone due to your own shortcomings, this can cause men to pull away from intimacy all together.
Physical Manifestations: Sexual frustration starts as something internal, but it can also manifest itself in physical symptoms like fatigue, insomnia from the overthinking even headaches.
Reduced Overall Well-Being: Put all of this together, if you don’t have your thoughts in order and working on the correct things, a guy saying he is sexually frustrated can start at a simple sentence and end up effecting your overall well-being.
The most important thing you can do as a Man is not fixate on the problem, but what you can improve in yourself to remove the barriers that are causing the said problem.
Are you looking after your body, are you in shape, do you have good hygiene, can you hold a conversation with your ideas all in order, do you know how to listen.
You cannot change the result without changing the input, and when it comes to access to a sexual partner, you are the entire input, you as a Man.
In any endeavor in life, you will get a better result if you put in the work and improve on the points that will get you the best results.
Instead of thinking ¨no one will sleep with me¨, ask yourself ¨what could be the reason?¨, you will be surprised at how quickly you get to the answers when you are being self critical, the problem is no one wants to hear whats wrong about themselves.
So the first thing is take a look in the mirror, and see if you are able to be self critical, and we start from there.
Reasons Behind Men being Sexually Frustrated
Your sexual frustration comes from the obvious, you are not having or being satisfied by the sex you are having. This is the result though, so the cause of it has to be found.
The cause of this may not be so obvious, but these are some of the most well known culprits.
Stress and Lifestyle: Stress from work and daily life in general is enough to make a Man feel enough pressure to lose sexual apatite. After a while, you feel like you dont even want to be intimate cause you are in your own head so much.
Before you know it, it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You are sexually frustrated because you never felt like it, you chose to not be intimate, and now you are the one frustrated.
Relationship Issues: If you are in a relationship where the communication is bad, there are unresolved conflicts, lack of emotional connection and understanding of your partner, this can lead to a sub par sexual life.
If you are not in a good place with your partner in general, this will carry over into intimacy. If you cannot link the way you treat each other outside of intimacy with sex you will have a problem.
You have to trust your partner, feel comfortable around them, have an understanding of their general mood in life. With this trust built, intimacy is much more fulfilling and meaningful.
So fix your problems as a couple first, instead of trying to fix it with forced intimacy.
Performance Anxiety: Another big reason for men’s sexual frustration is caused by themselves totally. The thought of not being able to perform, or do as well as you should.
Men have an unrealistic view of what sex is, and a large part of this can be contributed to porn. There is not much intimacy in these interactions, it’s usually straight to the point, and a lot of editing goes on.
If as a man you try and measure yourself up to something that is not real, you will always come up short, and my guess is a lot of women would not even want to have the type of interaction you see on screen.
Talk to some women you know and are comfortable with. Ask them if what you see on film is realistic. Ask them questions you want to know the answers too, you will find most people are more than happy to have these conversations with you.
Just make sure it is done in a tasteful way and you are not being vulgar about it.
Physical and Mental Factors: This is another big one that leads to sexual frustration in men, not being in shape.
You can call it ¨whatever phobic¨, but the human body looks its best and functions its best when in shape. You don’t have to be athlete fit, but you have to be able to see your feet when you look down you know.
There are times where you may have an illness and you cannot help weight loss/gain, and this is out of your control, you can only keep a strong mind in those situations.
However, if you are a Man, and your body functions you do not have an excuse to make it the best it can be. You should not need too much convincing to look after the one place you have to live in.
So, get in shape, and not for vanity (a little), but to get your machine working in peak form. It’s not just that people are attracted to the result. It’s the effort that goes in to getting to a certain point physically thats attractive.
The same goes for your mental, ¨stand guard to the door of your mind every day¨. Stop watching so much tv, read a book, and not just any book, something useful.
Pick up a new skill, start a blog, go talk to someone who knows more than you. The more you know, the more you can talk about, the better conversations you can have and the pool of people you can interact with increases.
Coping Strategies and Solutions for Sexual Frustration
I don’t think that cope is the right word to describe what we should be doing with our sexual frustrations. In my experience, the cause always stems from another part of your life and is just manifesting itself in other ways.
You should learn to be more comfortable with the subject of sex as a whole, have open conversations with friends on the topic. You will soon find out you are not the only one that has some concerns.
Not all men are out there sleeping with a different girl every night putting in movie star performances. We all have our hang ups, we just don’t talk about them.
I’m not saying we should huddle and get emotional and down about it, but talk about it so we all feel better when we see we are causing most of our own suffering, becuase we all go through tough times.
Do you need professional help?
My assumption was that therapy was for the weak, but this is a pretty bad way to think. If you go to the gym for the first time, you ask a trainer for advice. If you want your license you need to be taught to drive.
You have a life’s worth of memories and emotions attached to them, but a lot of men don’t do well at processing and prefer to hold it in. I am one of those for sure, but I have learnt to process my thoughts and channel it correctly.
Use your sexual frustration for good
Lets say you identify that you could be a bit fitter physically, the obvious driver is going to be for the aesthetic results. This will make you more attractive and increase your chances of getting lucky.
When you first walk into the gym, go for a run, join a boxing class, whatever you choose. The initial motivation is going to come from the frustration you feel, and you will draw energy from this.
Using your frustration to drive you toward a goal is pretty powerful. It’s an endless source of energy, and there are a lot of bad things you could be using this energy for instead.
A lot of men get sexually frustrated, and it comes out in anger and a change of mood. You have to be willing to accept where you can improve, and do whats necessary.
Exercise your sexual frustration away
Now I am not saying exercise is a substitute for sex. But, do a hundred burpees, a hundred squats ad a hundred push ups, and tell me you dont feel such a sense of achievement that there’s no room for frustration.
Regular exercise gets out all of the other stresses you accumulate on a normal day. You need to do something harder than what the world can throw at you to yourself.
If you wake up at 5.30, get your cardio in then go swing a kettlebell for 40 minutes, you are going to have a much easier day because the worst of it has already passed.
This frees up time in your mind to think about other things, sort out real issues you have in your mind, but with a clear head now you have exercised your demons away.
FAQs:
Is sexual frustration common among men?
Sexual frustration is something common in both sexes, and men will almost always encounter this at some or many points in their lives.
It is essential to understand and approach the topic with understanding and sensitivity, and take the correct precautions so this doesn’t negatively impact your well being.
How can I talk to my partner about sexual frustration without making them feel uncomfortable?
If you are in a relationship, and you are sexually frustrated, the chances are your partner is already uncomfortable and wanting to have this conversation.
You you are the frustrated party, your partner is not going to want to confront you about it to not make the situation worse. Even if they did approach you in the best way, you would find a way to be defensive anyway.
You don’t have to have all of the answers, but you need to let your partner know there is a problem, then they can show understanding. If you just stop all intimacy, don’t communicate it and on top of it all have a bad attitude it’s not going to go well for you.
Can sexual frustration affect a man’s self-esteem and confidence?
Most definitely yes. If you are judging your social standing based on the amount of people you sleep with, and you go through a rough patch, you are going to feel less than.
Don´t base the way you feel on what other men place a value on. You need to become the best version of yourself, be proud of what you are as a man and take pride in these aspects of your life.
Once you are a well put together man, you will have a lot more options.
Are there any natural remedies or supplements that can help with sexual desire?
A 1 mile run, a hundred burpees and a hundred push ups. An of course everything I have mentioned above will come in handy too.
What are some signs that sexual frustration may be negatively affecting a relationship?
If you are avoiding going to bed with your partner becuase you want to avoid having sex. Making excuses to not have sex becuase you are worried about performance.
Getting angry at your partner when they ask you ¨why don’t we have sex¨. Anger is just the wrong way to put out your sexual frustration. You don’t want to lose a good relationship just because you never wanted to have an uncomfortable conversation.
Is seeking professional help for sexual frustration a sign of weakness?
It may feel like that becuase you need to ask for help, and men don’t like asking for help, they prefer to figure things out alone.
If you can reach a better point in understanding your sexual frustration by reading some books and talking to friends, then great. Alternatively, speaking to a therapist to get a better grasp of your emotions makes you stronger in the long run.
How long does it take to overcome sexual frustration with the suggested coping strategies?
There’s no time frame for this. It’s similar to the delayed gratification you get from going to the gym or starting a business. You have to do the work first and the improvements come over time
That being said, by finding another outlet for your frustrations, you will definitely feel an immediate reduction in your anxiety.
Conclusion:
Remember, there is no overnight fix to this. And something that is really important is to not blame the opposite sex for your frustration. If you are a man, an though you try you are not successful with any women liking you, probability says you have the shortcoming.
Always work on yourself before you look for an outside cause to your problems. You cannot change the world around you, but you can always change yourself and the way it sees you.
A man that blames His problems on other is a dangerous man. Instead of taking your frustrations an improving upon the cause, they lash out at everyone who they think is the enemy and cause of their problems.
Dont be this kind kind of man, recognize you have the ability to become a better person, and strive to do that.